4 Detectives and a Baby
by tpchicken
Summary: A silly simple little fic about our favorite detectives coming across someone unexpected! Slightly Munch bias. It is finished, I hope you enjoy!


Author's note: This is justa little one chapter fic, that popped into my brain about a week ago. Its nothing special. There's not even a real plot. Its just a little SVU humor to brighten our day in a world full of sick perverts. Anyways I hope you enjoy. Oh yeah, and if this is a bit Munch bias, well what can I say, he is my fav. character

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, if I did, you'd be seeing this on tv and not reading it here.

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"POLICE! OPEN UP!" Elliot Stabler yelled. He looked back at the other three detectives, who all gave the go ahead nod, guns in position and ready.

They had been chasing this guy for weeks, and finally had tracked him down to an abandoned apartment. He had given them quite a chase. Stabler's partner, Det. Olivia Benson had almost caught him 3 days ago, only to have him disappear in the subway. Before that, the other two detectives, Odafin Tutuola (or simply Fin) and John Munch, had chased him out a back alley of an all night bakery, only to end up face down in a pile of pastries when he started shooting at them. He was simply more slippery than water.

But now they had him, there was no where to go but jail. Stabler braced himself and busted down the down, just in time to see their man fleeing down the fire escape. "GET HIM!" he yelled and bolted after him. Benson followed suit and Fin did a perfect 180 and headed back down the stairs. Only Munch stayed behind. Being the oldest had its perks, and running after perverts was something he didn't, or wasn't allowed, to do anymore.

"I'll just stay here then!" Munch called out after them. He took a quick look at his surroundings. An empty room leading to an empty kitchen that was next to an empty hallway. "Hey, this place is empty!" Munch said to no one in particular. Then he heard it. It was a loud wail that shocked him back into defense mode. Gun up he crept down the hallway. At the end were two rooms. Looking left, he saw an empty master bedroom, looking right he saw something suprising.

"What the hell…" his voice left him as he put down his gun and stared at the surprise waiting him. In front of him, laid out on a blanket was a baby. Not just any baby. A small defenseless 10 month old, screaming at the top of his lungs. "Ooookkaaaayyy, baby, its okay, shhhhhhh, nice baby."

Munch stared helpless at the small child. The small child stared back at the ridiculos adult and continued screaming. Munch had no clue what to do, so he patted the child on his little fuzzy head. "Come on, nice baby, be quiet now for Uncle Munchie," said Munch.

"Damnit, this is so stupid!" the thought in his head. He scanned the room for something, anything he could give the boy to get him to be quiet, but the only thing there was baby and blanket. So Munch did the only reasonable thing he could think of. He started screaming too.

"HELP!"

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Fin knocked the guy's head into the car frame for good measure. "Teach him to make me run that far only to knock his bony ass down. So stupid!" he thought.

Stabler and Benson were huddled with the other officers, sorting out the arrangement to bring the guy back to the station and get him booked. "Hey where's Munch?" Benson asked Fin and he walked towards them.

"What? He didn't follow us? I know he doesn't run, but he is usually close behind." replied Fin.

"Well he's not here," said Stabler, "I'll give his phone a ring." He dialed the number and waited. Several rings later, it finally picked up, but it wasn't Munch he was hearing. Actually it was a noise, a very LOUD noise, almost inhumane, and he knew exactly what had happened, he was, after all, the father of four. He immediently hung up and headed back towards the apartment. "Come on," he started, "I think John's found something."

As they neared the aforementioned apartment, the three detectives could make out two distinct voices. One was very small, but VERY loud and whiney, and the other one was lower and sounded like someone attempting to sing and was failing. But what they found when they reentered the apartment shocked them all. Munch was bouncing around trying to sing something that was either a lullaby or a bad Jimmy Hendrix impression. He had both arms straight out in front of him, like he wasn't sure if what he was holding was okay to get near him. In his hands was the small baby boy, a hand under each of the child's armpits. It was quite a sight to see, the 60 year old detective, with his graying hair and dark suit and glasses, trying to console the small child.

Fin and Stabler busted out laughing. This immediently caught Munch's attention, which up to that point had been solely focused on the crying baby. His face became bright red as he realized what he had been caught doing. "Maybe a little help, please?"

Benson rushed to his side and took the crying child. She cradled the babe in her arms as Munch explained what had happened, which was easier to do since the child had quieted a little. "Let's take him to the station house, we can figure out what to do there." she said.

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Capt. Don Cragen got quite a shock when his 4 best detectives showed back up in the squad room. He was quickly advised of the situation, and they began to contact the proper channels and fill out the proper forms. The lady from child services called back 30 min. later and said that she had been detained, asking if it was okay to pick up the child several hours later. "I guess so, what choice do I have?" replied Capt. Cragen over the phone.

The baby had caused quite a commotion in the room at first, but after a while things quieted down. Benson and Stabler had taken turns holding the child and filling out forms. At the moment Benson was playing with him when they all noticed a certain smell wafting around the room. "Oh no, I don't do diapers!" she said looking pointedly at Stabler.

"Don't look at me! I didn't even change my own kids' diapers!" said Stabler.

Fin looked at the both of them and then at his partner, who had all of the sudden found something very interesting under his desk. "Oh for crying out loud, give me that boy, how hard could this be?"

He headed over to the emergency supply kit where they had an extra supply of baby things, just in case, and found the spare diapers and wipes. Then he climbed the stars up to the crib. "My boy needs some privacy," he called down to the others.

"Just as long as I don't have to see it or smell it. You know the whole thing is just a conspiracy that the government is trying to cover up. You see…" Munch started into one of his monologues that was sure to last a while, except….

"YEEAUOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHHAGGGGGGGGGH!"

The scream came from above them in the crib and the three bounded up the stairs to see what was the matter. What they found was hilarious. There stood Fin, in mid baby change, dripping wet from something that they were sure was baby urine.

"Dang kid wizzed on me!" cried Fin, "Eww I think it's in my mouth. Blech blech!"

Munch stifled a laugh for his partners sake, and Stabler took Fin to clean up. Benson finished up with the baby where Fin had left off.

"You should have known that would happen when it came in contact with cold air!" called down Munch to his retreating partner.

"Shut up, or I'm going to take off this shirt and make you eat it!" Fin called back.

The other two plus baby headed back down the stairs. "You know," Benson thought out loud, "The poor kid hasn't eaten in awhile, I bet he's hungry."

"I've got have a tuna melt in the break room," suggested Munch.

"Baby's don't eat Tuna Melts John!" scolded Benson, "Here, take him, no like this, cradle his head, there you go, I'll go make a bottle and then you can feed him."

"What? Why me? Why do I deserve this punishment!" asked Munch.

"Because I say so, and because I've got more work to do than you, that guy should be back from booking soon and then Stabler and I are going to have a nice chat with him." Benson replied, "Now, just sit there with him and I'll be right back."

Munch looked at the boy in his arms, and sighed, sitting down and leaning back in his chair. "Why do weird thing always happen to me? Am I some kind of clown, here to amuse everyone?" he thought.

Benson came back and handed him the bottle, showing him how to properly feed the baby so he got less air in his stomach. He was clumsy at first, but then both baby and man figured out what they were doing. Then sweet boy closed his eyes and happily sucked on the bottle. "On second thought," Munch thought, "I think I'm starting to see why everyone else seems to like this parenting thing." Swells of pride and happiness came through Munch, and he smiled down on the small infant.

"Hey Mother Munch, how's the little Munckin?" asked Fin, reappearing in a clean shirt.

"Wake this kid up and I'll deck you," Munch replied. Putting down the bottle. He swayed ever so slightly in his seat. The baby curled up closer to Munch's chest and Munch hoped that the moment wouldn't end.

Stabler came back to the room and he and Benson headed back to the interrogation room. After several minutes, Capt. Cragen came in. "The lady from protective services still not here?" he asked, "I'm going down to the front to see what's going on."

Munch leaned his head back in his chair, and closed his eyes. He could feel Fin's penetrating glare boring holes through his head. "Hey," he said, "if the baby can take a nap, so can the old guy."

Moments later, Munch was awaken by a woman coming into the room with Capt. Cragen. "Oh my baby!" she screamed and ran towards Munch, tearing the baby out of his arms.

Slightly alarmed, Fin and Munch stood up, as Stabler and Benson walked back into the room.

Capt. Cragen explained, "This is Adena Watson, apparently she left her son in the apartment where you found our perp. They own that apartment and the one over it and are renovating, that's how he got in. Anyway, she left her son there to sleep while she check on some things, and when she returned the boy was gone. But one of the neighbors had seen you all and suggested she come here. I found her in hysterics, screaming at the desk clerk when I got downstairs."

"Forgive me, maam," started Benson, "but its really not a good idea to leave your child alone anywhere."

"I'm sorry, I'm soo sorry! I'll never do it again! I promise. I couldn't find a sitter and it wasn't going to be for very long, and he was asleep. I just thought… I was wrong. Sorry," Adena said as she wept, "thank you so much for taking care of him. I'm thankful you found him and not someone else!"

"Just be careful, okay?" said Stabler.

Adena gathered herself and the baby. He had once again become fussy and cried, holding his hands out towards Munch. Munch just stood there with a sorrowful look on his face. He hated to admit it, but he had grown a bit attached, even in such a short time. They watched as mother and child left. Capt. Cragen escorted them out.

"Maybe time to get your own little munchkin?" Fin asked, patting his partner on the back.

"Are you kidding me? I bet I wouldn't even live to see the kid graduate High School. Who'd want to do that to a child? Nah, I'll be fine," replied Munch, "Oh hey, wait!" he called out to the departing mother and son.

"You never said, what's your son's name?" Munch questioned.

"John."


End file.
